Hmm.

I’ve been involved in a lot of introspection lately regarding my own personal happiness. And I’ve come to the conclusion that it all starts with me. I spent much of the last few months hating my job, being frustrated at home, being upset about my personal finances, and generally not really liking my lot in life. And it showed. I realize now that I was pretty miserable to be around. Fortunately, I’ve had an incredible turnaround lately in how I feel about just about everything, from my job to my family life.

We all think we know what actually makes us happy. It always seems to be something that is just a little out of reach. Whether it’s financial, relationships, or work, we become unhappy because we can’t reach our goals. What does it take? Money? Time? Other resources? What is the magic bullet that’s going to help you realize your goals? Now what can you do about it? Take each item and break it down, list just one thing you can do to make a difference for you.

Your work. Find yourself sucked into the latest griping session at the water cooler? I do constantly. Someone always has a legitimate gripe about something. Listen to them long enough and you realize that you have legitimate gripes, too. Then everyone is griping. I try to catch myself when I start, and try to look at issues from another perspective. Am I really upset about this issue, or did I get caught up in the pack mentality?
The favorite target of course is our manager. “She’s doesn’t know what happens here in the trenches, her open door policy is a joke, she puts all these ridiculous demands on us, blah, blah, blah.” I admit, I’ve been known to hop on the soapbox myself in the past. Then I thought about it. Middle management? I wouldn’t want that job; you just can’t please anybody. The folks under you are always unhappy, the folks over you are always unhappy. You lose no matter what you try to do. It’s her job to institute stupid policies that make more work for us. New policies always to seem to be cropping up at work. I work in healthcare, and policies are in place for a reason, in particular, those regarding client safety. If a new policy was instituted because people aren’t doing a particular aspect of their job correctly, and it’s having a negative effect on the company, what could we have to done to make the situation better? I realized it starts with me.

Your children. There are certainly days when I feel like my kids are going to be my undoing. They don’t like this, they want that, they’re being complete PITAs. What’s the solution? Send ‘em to their room? Turn the television on? Whatever, just get them out of your hair, right? Then you don’t have to deal with the hassle. Or, are they acting out for a reason? Perhaps they’re tired of television, or maybe they just need you.
Instead of blowing your stack, try to find joy in every interaction with your children. Trust me, I know it’s not easy. But kids are keen little beings, and can tell when mom or dad’s frustrated. I’m not even close to perfecting this one, but I try every day. I hate changing dirty diapers, and I gripe to my daughter every time I have to change one. But, I laugh with her every time I have to change one, as well. “Pee-yoo!!! Yuck!!! You stink! You need to learn to go on the potty!” I declare loudly in funny voices each time I have to change her. She lays still for me, singing out “Pee-yoo,” while she giggles with me.
Finding joy in all things parenting is arguably the greatest gift you can give your children, because it reinforces your unconditional love for them. Love them unconditionally, and they will know it, and carry it with them no matter where they go in life. I realized that the way my children’s act starts with me.

Your marriage. For some time most of my communications with my wife consisted of bickering. I was becoming unhappy at home, because everything was a struggle. Then I decided to actually listen to my wife. What did she want? Really all she wanted was me. For me to talk with her, to spend time with her, to snuggle and give her a foot rub.
We get so caught up in ourselves, and what we want, we tend to forget what our spouses want. First and foremost, your spouse wants to be loved. Show her that you love her. Forget about what you want for now, and really show her that you love her. Don’t run off and buy her a trinket, give her a kiss and head to the links. Spend time with her. Just her. Can’t get your head into it? Remember the reasons why you got married. Build from there. Get past your hangups, because they are, after all, your hangups. Love her for who she is, not what you wish she was.
Is something truly intolerable in your marriage? Communicate. Don’t blame. That bears repeating. Don’t blame. Blaming someone simply causes them to put their fightin’ gloves on, and poise themselves to defend at all costs. If you’re going to blame, blame yourself. If you take time to show your spouse that you are not perfect either, she may be more willing to listen to you when you have honest concerns at home. Then discuss the issue of concern rationally. I realized that when I wasn’t happy with my wife’s behavior, I had to stop and look at my own behavior first.

Your finances. You’ve read it a thousand times before. The latte factor. Too much house. Big car payment. All those reasons are of your own making. What can you do today to be happy with your financial state? Go ahead and make excuses for why you can’t do anything about your money situation. See how well your situation improves. Take responsibility, make the changes needed to spend less than you earn, and watch the balances swing to your favor. Follow the advice in some of those personal finance books you’ve read. Act on it. I realized that it’s not the Man holding me down, but me.

Accept responsibility for yourself. Your actions. Your feelings. Your choices. If you choose to be unhappy, then you sure will be. If you make the choice to be happy, and stop blaming everything around you for your unhappiness, you can roll yourself out of the doldrums, and start enjoying life. Find joy in everything you do. Even when what you really want to do is smash that rotten computer at work, smile and know that there is a purpose to what you are doing.

If you don’t mind kicking over $6500 in interest and fees over three years, it’s not a bad deal!

That set me to wondering what else one could do to get out of a jam in a pinch. I realize, that with such agreeable terms as 99.25%, there’s not really any need to look further. But, just for the sake of argument, I decided to take a look at what other sources are out there for a reasonable person in need of cash. Here’s what I came up with.

Sell stuff. If you look around there are opportunities to sell things everywhere you look. Some ideas?
- illegal contraband. The mark up on illegal contraband is generally very high, and as an aggressive salesperson, the returns can be quite good. Play your cards right, and inventory won’t cost you a cent either.
- your body. No matter your body type, there is someone out there willing to throw their good cash at it. The investment on your part is minimal, and the rewards can be great.
- your neighbor’s car. This has multiple rewards, in that you get the cash you need, and you no longer have to endure the neighbor dwelling on how great the car is at your emotional expense.

Find free money. There are a number of places to look, and if you’re creative enough, opportunities abound. While starting with the couch cushions is all well and good, unless you’re Bill Gates or Warren Buffett, it’s a safe bet that it was no roll of $100 bills falling out of your pocket. Some other ideas come to mind, though:
- start a corporation. The possibilities here are endless. From exploiting tax loopholes, to setting up shell companies to hide losses, qualifying for government grants for R&D, and enjoying the perks of being a corporate CEO, you can use that ,Inc. status to generate mountains of green!
- acquire a loan from the local convenience store. They’ll never know it’s you if you work it just right, and he’s certainly not going to question the authenticity of your instrument of persuasion. The beauty of this loan is that you never have to pay it back if you don’t want to.
- likewise, acquire a loan from the bank. Credit score be damned, with the right persuasion, any banker will hand over that much needed cash to get you out of your pinch. Though unconventional, the money is green. If free money doesn’t sit well with you, then perhaps:

Get a more conventional loan. Concerned about your credit score? It’s a safe bet that your local mob boss is not. No messy paperwork, no waiting, and the terms will be laid out for you. However, if you don’t understand the terms, you will be laid out. It’s advisable to avoid these loans if there is a chance that repayment will be a problem.

Start a side business. There is loads of money to be made for someone with the entreprenueral spirit. Examples include:
- Establish yourself as a handyman, and sell your skills door to door. The elderly are particularly gracious contributors, and will pay to have almost nothing done. They are quite trusting, too, and will accept you into their homes, with few if any, questions.
- Start a cross country moving company. Undercut the competition to get business, and then explain to the homeowner that the estimate was too low, that in order for their valuables to arrive, more money must be forthcoming. More often then not, they are agreeable to the new terms, as it’s not unreasonable for them to want their stuff to arrive unharmed.
- Become a financial logistics coordinator. There are displaced princes, and other rightful rulers ousted from power in foreign lands all over the globe. Assist them in organizing the collection of the funds solicited by email from sympathetic people all over the world. Help them keep things organized as they attempt to wrest power back from those who’ve booted them from their rightful positions, so that they may pay back, with interest, all the generous souls who loaned them the money to make their coup possible.

If you’re desperate for cash, a 99.25% interest rate is just the ticket. While I tend to take those commercials with a grain of salt, because although I’ve mismanaged my funds in the past, I realize that easy money is never easy in the long run. You will pay for the easy part somehow, such as some sort of outrageous repayment terms. But it occurred to me that I’ve seen that commercial quite a few times recently as I pass through the living room while someone else is glued to the tube.

Why is this airing so frequently? Duh. Because someone out there is desperate enough to actually fall for the pitch. I’m betting, since it’s broadcast on a national network, that lots of desperate folks are falling for it. While it’s easy for me to dismiss it, knowing there is a monster in the closet, some people are gullible enough to believe that the services offered are just the ticket they need to get out of a jam.

While this list certainly isn’t exhaustive, it does highlight other ways of generating cash in a pinch. Just be careful you don’t get pinched. Of course, a good offense is a good defense, and properly managing your money in the first place is the best way of ensuring that you are prepared for unexpected issues that may lay in wait, and you have a better chance of avoiding more unscrupulous avenues of revenue generation.

I’ve updated my feed subscription link, as well. If you’ve already subscribed, please consider re-subscribing with the new link. Since this whole affair so new to me, I would like to know if folks are continuing to read, even via feed readers, as I certainly hope so, and the new link allows me to track the number of subscribers, versus the number of page views, which doesn’t reflect the folks who read through their favorite feed reader.

Please consider bearing with me as I learn the ropes, and check in frequently to see how things fare. I hope all is well with everyone who has stuck with me so far, and here’s to a long and friendly relationship!

I’m far from perfect in reducing those expenditures, in fact, one of my true vices until recently was instant lottery tickets. The lottery is the primary reason I seldom carry actual cash in my pocket. The lure of the allure of winning is too great for me. The money starts to burn a hole in my pocket, and I’ve got to get it out. The solution, I found, was to reduce the amount of cash I carry because I can’t use my debit or credit cards to make those purchases. Honestly, I don’t know if it’s against state law, or if it’s the retailer’s prerogative, but it’s generally not allowed as far as I know. And that’s OK by me.

I never actually tallied up my losses associated with the lottery, but in retrospect, I’m betting (ha!) that I spent upwards of $150-200 a month at my peak of lottery addiction. That’s in the neighborhood of $2000 a year I was spending on lottery alone. That would have covered the cost of my first computer. Or an entire year’s worth of car payments. Multiply that by a few years and there’s half a year’s salary. In years past I was making between $15-20,000 annually. When you figure my net salary was $10-15,000 then, that’s a lot of cabbage I couldn’t really afford to shell out.

Again, I never actually ran a tally, but I do know that with the exception of one year when I had a string of good luck and probably broke even, I lost at least 100% of everything I “invested”. I can only imagine how much money I’d have accrued by now had I invested in a mutual, or index fund, or fully funded a 401K with matching from my employer with that money. I do know that had I spent responsibly, I wouldn’t be in such dire financial straits as I am now!

I have only recently eliminated lottery from my life, and I am able to better manage that concern since I have properly identified the issue, and established a means to avoid the habit. For a while I was spending about $5 a week on it, grabbing an instant ticket when I filled the car, because I figured “I deserved it.” And I also figured that paltry sum wasn’t having that much impact on my wallet. Then I realized the error in that frame of mind, and have decided that I deserve to feel more secure in my finances by using that $20 a month towards something more worthwhile.

I still can’t help but love the idea of winning big, and coasting the rest of my life in financial bliss, but I’ve dumped several thousand dollars into the lottery over the last 15-20 years or so, and still have nothing to show for it but a big pile of crushing debt. There is something a lot more comforting in knowing that I am now in the process of truly winning big, simply by trying so hard to eliminate debt from my life, using a formula of proven success, and with a lot better odds in my favor.

Recently it occurred to me that as an avid music fan, no one seems to talk about how to obtain free music. With the Napster heyday long over, and the RIAA stretching the boundries of the Constitution in pursuit of illegal downloaders, what is rabid music fan supposed to do besides listen to the radio? I love listening to music, and I don’t like the idea of obtaining it illegally.

Over the air radio has it’s place, but I generally can’t stand the offerings. I like to have complete control of my listening material, and don’t like being force-fed the tripe that passes for music nowadays. To top it off, I have little tolerance for all of the marketing that goes along with listening to the radio.

Enter the digital age! The Internet has changed the way many of us listen to music, especially with the introduction of ITunes and other pay-for music download services. Even Napster is a pay-for use service now, with a subscription model, verses a pay for ownership model. As long as you subscribe to the service, you are welcome to listen to most of the music. Stop paying, lose the right to listen. I’ve read that music companies are trying to encourage that model, because it gives them perpetual earnings, instead of one-time purchase money. Their goal is to keep listeners’ wallets open.

The alternative, for those of us who like to buck the system, and do it legally, is to seek out free sources. Fortunately for us, they abound, and the offerings run the gamut from popular music to the obscure. Lets take a look at some of the available goodies out there.

The local library. Yep, for those of you who haven’t been to one recently, many of those archaic archival institutions crept up on us and entered the musical foray years ago. My local library only recently opened, and has little to offer, but the next city over has an extensive collection of CD’s just begging to introduce me to artists and genres that I’ve been overlooking my whole life. The bonus to library CD’s is that I don’t have to worry about the clutter of ownership, or being stuck owning a terrible CD that I shelled out good money for. Additional bonus: if I like it, I can borrow it again any time I want.

Friends & neighbors. What better way to relate to someone than through music? I’ve been introduced to some great and even some not so great music by friends willing to lend a CD to me. Borrowing CD’s can be risky, though, so if you don’t plan to return them, or if you’re concerned that a friend may not return yours it’s not worth losing a friendship over. Rule of thumb, if you’re not willing to risk losing a treasured disc, don’t lend it out.

Internet radio. Live365.com, Shoutcast, AOL, Pandora.com. are all free Internet radio, where you can customize your stations to your heart’s content. I’ve toyed with a few of them, and a quick Google search will net you all the links you can stand. All seem pretty easy to sign on to and set up. Unfortunately for me, they still don’t give me the control I like over what I listen to, and I’m generally subject to adverts, which I can ignore onscreen, but can’t avoid when they are slipped into the playlist by the vendor. Granted the advertisements are less intrusive than over the air radio, but I’m picky, what can I say?

Individual band Websites. For all of their blustering during the early days of file sharing, Metallica, of all bands, offers free music for download directly from their Website. Hunt around and you can find many others that do so as well. The Allman Brothers Band hosts a forum, and topics include trading live recordings of the band. Oftentimes, music traders will allow you to send them blank CD’s and they will send them back to you with music. All for the cost of blanks discs and return postage.

Live music trading communities. Etree.org is arguably the most popular of the music trading Websites out there. No copyrighted material is allowed, but the scope of music you can obtain for free from traders is mind boggling. None of the material is for sale, so if someone asks for money in exchange for the music, they are illegally bootlegging for profit. Trading with no intent to profit is the only way to get the goods from here. Learn proper trading etiquette and you can net obscene amounts of music. Some music is also linked to:

The Live Music Archive. Archive.org has one of the largest collections of free music anywhere, and it keeps getting larger on a daily basis. They host the largest publicly available collection of live Grateful Dead recordings and all are available to listen to whenever you wish. That collection alone could keep you busy for the foreseable future, nevermind the hundreds of other bands from all different genres that make their music available free there as well. All the recordings are from live performances, so if you seek perfection in your listening, you won’t find it there. The collection is extensive, and it’s easy to get lost there, so be careful!

Bittorrent. Careful with this one. There are sources of illegal file sharing out there if you’re so inclined, and then some, like Lossless Legs, and Dime a Dozen, offer material that falls into the gray areas of copyright laws. While material is available there often without the express consent of the artists, the music is not technically copyrighted because they are most often live recordings or radio broadcasts. The communities are self policing, and when copyrighted material shows up, the site owners ban the files. They also take pains to prevent music from being available from artists who’ve expressly stated to the site owners that they don’t condone the free trade of their recordings. Most artists seem okay with the fact that the community does a spectacular job protecting copyrighted music.
If you’re not comfortable toeing the line, etree.org also hosts bittorrents only of bands that expressly approve of the electronic transfer of their live recordings and otherwise non-copyrighted works. Unfortunately, that greatly reduces the choices of bands and genres, but at least it’s all legal with no hitches.

There are loads of other venues to get your paws on great music for free, if you desire. Just be cautious. With so much of it out there, it’s easy to forget that there is life beyond great tunes. Enjoy what you find before you seek out more, as the quest for free music is as addictive as a good beat.

Now, it is a medical related bill, and if I so desired, I could simply ignore it, and it would go to collection, I would get pestered for a little while and then it would go away. But, money works in mysterious ways, and I’ve begun to believe that if you treat your money with care & respect, it will treat you likewise. To ignore this bill would have been an abuse of my money, and the negativity would carry through to other parts of my finances. I’m not entirely sure why it works this way, but it seems to.

Two hundred & seventy five dollars seemed a trifle too much to me, and when the nice lady picked up on the other end, I let her know it. The conversation went similarly to this:

Her: “Hello, my name is Sydney (not her real name) how can I help you?”

Me: Hi, I’m Jeremy, I am calling regarding a bill I received.

Her: OK, may I have your account number?

Me: Certainly. It’s OU812 (Not the real account number).

Her: Thank you. I see you have an outstanding balance of $275.

Me: Yes, that what I’m calling to discuss. That seems a little high.

Her: Well, I understand how you feel, but that is what we normally charge for those services.

Me: Now, I know that you give discounts to insurers, so that those very same labs would cost significantly less for them. I’m just wondering how I might qualify for that very same sort of discount. I would like to pay the bill, but it really is more than I can hack right now.

Her: I’m sorry, but we are unable to do that. We have contracts with insurers that give them those discounts, unfortunately, there is no such arrangement for the services on this bill.

Me: I understand that, since you are unable to help me, could you put me in touch with someone who maybe could?

Her: Well, I can try to get my supervisor.

Me: Tell you what, if you simply knock 50% off the bill, I will send you a check for that entire amount today.

Her: Here, let me put you through to my supervisor.

Me: OK.

Supervisor: Hello, my name is Rachel (not her real name), can I help you?

Me: I’m having an issue with this bill. It seems my insurance won’t cover it, because they contract with a different lab, and now I’m stuck with it.

Rachel: I see, so basically your doctor’s office sent the specimens to be processed at the wrong lab. That happens a lot. Actually, is this the first time this has happened to you?

Me: Yeah.

Rachel: If I remember correctly, your insurer does provide a clause for issues like this, and will offer a one time payment to cover it. You’ll just have to work with your doctor’s office to be sure any future labs are sent to the appropriate processor. I will call the contact person at your insurance that deals with these issues, and see if we can get them to cover our services to you this one time.

Me: Really? Thank you so much! Thank you very much for your time and have a good day.

Rachel: Thank you, and goodbye.

I spent three months steaming over this bill. I’ve mulled it over, trying to figure out what transpired in my life recently to make this issue work out in my favor. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m developing a new respect for money. I’m changing the way I think about it and feel about it, and how I handle it. Furthermore, two significant things happened this week:

1. I donated a sizable sum to a charity organization for the first time in my life, despite my own financial difficulties. I’ve come to believe in the power of giving, and the positive effects it has on your life. It feels good to know that I did something small, but extraordinary (to me, anyway) with my money. Normally I fret about bills unpaid, and get depressed because of it, and use that to justify not sharing my good fortune.
2. I faced the music regarding a bill I owed, even though the mistake wasn’t mine that produced it. Instead of taking the easy way out, and ignoring it, knowing that the long term consequences were nil, I decided to respect my money and do the right thing. I was prepared to pay it.

In turn, the consequence was that the solution to this issue with the lab company ended up saving me, not just a portion of the bill, but the entire balance due. To top it off, I’m coming away from this knowing that it was settled properly, and not just swept under the carpet. Something just seems right about the whole thing to me. Any thoughts anyone?

My father-in-law relates tales of days when, because of rationing for the war, they had no butter. They would get a large block of white plastic-looking stuff and some yellow food coloring at the beginning of the month so they could make their own margerine. No one could drive anywhere because there was no gasoline to be had, nevermind that tires couldn’t be replaced even if you had the money.

An elderly friend once told me how every Sunday after church, one family from the congregation would come to their house for supper, because being farmers, they had enough food to share. I always wondered what the rest of the families in the congregation did on the weeks they weren’t fortunate enough to partake.

Myself, I grew up darning my socks. (That’s fixin’ the holes in my socks with needle and thread, for those who may not be familiar). My mom did it for me when I was younger, but as I grew older I had to fend for myself. Once my dexterity was acute enough to avoid stabbing myself constantly, the needle and thread were presented to me; my mom had enough. There was no guilt, I never worried what the other kids would think, it was a part of growing up. I even sometimes had to patch my winter boots after I wore holes in them. It was my choice to either work the farm with wet feet, or to break out the tire patch kit and fix it myself. I learned to make do.

We grew a huge garden, upwards of an entire acre of food, annually. I hated pulling weeds and picking stones, what with all the bugs, and the dust and the grit. I recall my mother canning and freezing loads of veggies, filling the cabinets and the deep freeze for the colder seasons. We picked wild blackberries, which grew in abundance on our property, and tapped maple trees in the spring. We lived off the land as much as we could.

I got my first chainsaw when I was twelve years old, because my stepfather felt it was time for me to contribute more to our winter heating bill. All we had was wood heat, and when we ran out of wood in the middle of February, as we did more than once, I would have to go out into the woods with my stepfather and fell trees in two feet of snow.

I, and many people I know, have lived in leaner times. To me, no matter how horrible the economy is, or how high gas prices are, I live in a time of prosperity. Everywhere I turn lately there is empowering stories in the news of families who are are stretching their dollars to make ends meet, and living with less. I take it all with a grain of salt, because as tough as the times are currently, they don’t compare to what it could be, or what it has been. I appreciate their efforts, and even draw some inspiration from them, because I have come to realize the excess in my own life, and am learning to scale back.

It makes it easier for me to make the changes necessary to fix my finances when I keep it all in perspective. I’m not living without, I’m not really living with less. I am certainly not hurting, even though I would like to have a 52″ LCD t.v. and a blueray player to go with it. At least I’m eating well, I have a roof over my head, and my family is healthy & loving. I can ask for more, but I am content if I don’t get it.

For starters, I grew up in a small farming community in Western Massachusetts, where most folks were living comfortably, or at least getting by. Although the factories had long since closed, there was work to be had, and many folks ran their own businesses either in construction or doing some other form of manual labor if they didn’t farm.

My family was relatively poor, primarily because my stepfather had some very serious substance abuse issues. Pretty much most of what he earned went towards his habits. That’s not to say that we didn’t have periods of prosperity in our house, but they were interspersed with longer periods of having no money.

My stepfather was a construction contractor and built homes for wealthy people all the time. He would come home with sordid tales of excess, with spoiled rich wives making them redo projects because things weren’t perfect, or eccentric doctors who insisted on gold plated faucets in their bathrooms. At the end of the week when my mom needed to buy groceries, and there was no money, it was their fault because they withheld their check for services rendered, or when he subcontracted, the wealthy contractor he was working for was giving him the run-around all the time.

Because we had no money we looked for reasons to hate those who did. The banker family in town? A bunch of snobs. The children always had the best clothes, and as far as we were concerned, walked around with their noses in the air. The family with the dad who was a stock broker? Well, they were just strange, since they weren’t born and raised in town, and were outsiders, so they couldn’t be trusted. The U.S. ambassador that had a summer home in the country? We snarled in disgust at the tennis court that marred the roadside scenery, and mocked the in-ground pool as unnecessary in country living. If those people wanted to be in the sticks with us, they should’ve acted like us as well, seemed to be the general sense of things. In other words, they should’ve acted poor, since it seemed most of us in town were just getting by.

As I got older, I continued to associate money with excess. I was far from popular, and it seemed that all the popular kids in school were well off, and all seemed to sneer at those of us who weren’t. It was also around this time that I began to be exposed to alternative media that seemed to always point to corporate excess, and the idea that the rich keep getting richer, and the poor, poorer. Those corporate execs were giving themselves all kinds of enriching bonuses while the planet was being polluted by their companies’ waste, and people like us were barely able to stay on top of our bills.

I remember watching the news during the Enron debacle, and Mrs. Ken Lay was on t.v. She was crying because the public just didn’t understand the emotional distress she was experiencing when they lost their multi-million dollar summer “cottage” in Aspen, CO. Of course it’s difficult to appreciate that when you can’t even relate, or even come close to grasping the idea that someone owned a summer home that was larger than any house you’ve ever lived in in your life as a primary residence, never mind a summer cottage.

I remember tending bar and one of my customers was a millionaire, because, as she put it, she divorced well. She had totaled her Porsche driving drunk and griped for weeks about how outrageous it was that her riches couldn’t help her duck the charges. “What’s the use of having all this money if I can’t buy my way out of this,” she lamented out loud one day.

Another time working at the bar, we looked to see a Mercedes SUV parked on the curb out front. We all marveled at the beauty of the vehicle, and wondered who it was that was lucky enough to drive it. It wasn’t long before he came in, drunk as a skunk, crying in his beer to us about his financial woes. He was worth several hundred million dollars, with lucrative government contracts raking in more and more millions. People gathered around him in awe. He bought rounds for everyone, and tipped the bartender more than the rest of the bar put together that night. At one point he pulled out a gigantic roll of $100 bills and placed it on the bar. “There’s $10,000 right there. All this money, and it doesn’t make me happy.” He cried about how his wife was spending an average of $25,000 a month, and refused to curb her spending. Everyone pitied him, and tried to comfort him.

Me, I was trying to figure out how I was going to pay my rent, since I was working two part-time jobs for nearly minimum wage. And this guy had the audacity to come here and cry to us? We were all working class Joes in that bar, aside from the occasional rich person who came in because they heard it was a cool place to hang out. They weren’t one of us, I felt, and had no business being there.

Since I never really rubbed elbows socially with the wealthy, I presumed that they had disdain for me because I wasn’t as well off as they were. Consequently, I felt they deserved my disdain, and I refused to allow myself to believe that any rich person could actually be “cool.” To me, you were only cool if you were broke. I surrounded myself with other people who were broke, and we lamented our mutual fates as we squandered our earnings on cigarettes, lottery and excessive drinking, and whatever other opportunities for instant gratification came our way.

Now, as I work to reform my financial life, I’m developing a new appreciation for money. I pay attention to stories of the generous, those people who have more, and share with the less fortunate. A friend of mine who used to own a limo service tells me tales of the rich and famous that he chauffeured around, and relates stories of generosity, and people who were just genuinely good to him, because it was their nature. I observe those with money around me, and I am more able to separate behavior and attitude from money. I try to respect my money, and obtain as much value for each dollar that I possess, so that I may have more for my future. My goal is to squander none.

Most importantly, I realize it’s okay to have money, that it’s not going to make me a bad person. It’s okay to want more, but for the right reasons. I used to want more it so I could buy stuff, now I want it so I can build a more secure future. I don’t judge others by what they have compared to what I have, I judge them for who they are. I’m developing an understanding of money, far deeper than I’ve ever known before. I’m finding that it’s not the outside influences, but the inside influences that have gotten me where I am today. As I weed through them, I’m finding the ones that make me most happy and focusing on those, and I’m finding that good things are coming my way. And it’s nobody’s fault but mine.

I’m trying to set my sights on a number of different things, and I’m finding that the hardest part is establishing a goal. Something to strive for. A target to aim at.

It applies to personal finance: what are my goals? Well, I’ve pretty much decided that I want to get out of debt. Sounds good doesn’t it? It’s easy – we just have to spend less than we earn. It’s taking the steps to do that that’s difficult. So how do I start? Where do I start? Well, starting small seems the prudent choice. We’ve decided that one of our goals is to cut our monthly grocery bill in half. That should be a piece of cake when it seems to balloon to obscene amounts each month. The next goal will be rolling that freed up cash into debt payments.

It applies to starting this blog. I’ve realized that I’ve committed the cardinal sin of blogging and have not maintained a regular posting schedule. My short term goal is to post at least 3 times a week to start, perhaps Monday, Wednesday & Fridays so that as I hopefully gain readers, I can keep them. Then next goal is to work on optimizing my site to maximize exposure to help build readership.

It applies to my waistline: Yes, I’m a bit more along around the middle than I’d like to be. In my zeal to cut my grocery bill, I decided to eat less junk. Not to say that I’ve eliminated it, but cutting out that extra dollar here and there on snacks seems to be helping me maintain healthier eating habits overall. My next step is to start walking on a regular basis, perhaps three days a week, in hopes that I can get back some of my youthful vigor…

Setting goals is my current goal. Little goals to start, and then snowballing them into the bigger ones that I want to accomplish as time progresses. Without an idea of where you’re going there is no place to start.